I wanted to make a living from my writing. That was the objective I had set myself when I decided to leave my job. As of today, just about a year and a half since I last drew a meaningful paycheck, I have not made a single cent from my writing.
Bummer, right?
No, not really. I have not given up on the notion that I can make money from my writing. I am ever more confident it is possible. This throws up the obvious question – why have I not done it?
The simple answer is, time. And to an extent, reality. God, I sound like I am listing off the infinity stones. What I mean is, I was exploring a few different paths in life other than writing, and they happened to take up more of my time.
First, there is the teaching. That took off like a shot this year. And to think it all began with an exchange of messages over WhatsApp with someone who really underestimated whom he was dealing with. As I mentioned previously, I teach Malay. It’s my mother tongue/native language or whatever else you want to call it. The point is I teach it, primarily to adult learners.
It has been fun and eye opening, and this year I pushed myself to teach more extensively. That has paid off financially and I plan to keep it going. It is about the money, I have to be realistic and honest about that. I have a family and while we are not hurting financially, every day that I am struggling to earn my keep brings us a little closer to the edge.
Anyway, on to the second thing – volunteer work. I have been volunteering over at a division in Aljunied GRC. It has been very informative and educational for me. When I came back to Singapore from my last overseas posting in end-2019, I had something of an awakening. From seeing how my family – both immediate and extended – were doing, and also bearing in mind how the other side of the family (from the wife’s side), the disparity was starker than it had ever been. There were a few other moments and incidents that left a mark in me. And those marks eventually built up and I started volunteering.
The third, also the last but not least factor that has prevented me from taking a harder shot at writing for a living – life in general. By this, I mean the family, gaming, spending time with friends, Netflix, getting tired and wanting to slack off for hours on end. There have been many, many days where I have beaten myself up for not writing. The funny thing is that I was writing, but I wasn’t writing what I thought I should be writing.
I have written examination papers, scripts (for listening comprehension), speeches, letters, and a whole bunch of other stuff. I am writing practically everyday, and yes, I will also take into account the melodramatic facebook posts, thank you very much.
Just two days back though, I had a moment of clarity which very nearly escaped me. I began writing because it brought me joy. I like the feeling that flows through me like a river of magical feelings and emotions. Then, there are the sudden flashes of inspiration that strike me as though I was a lone tree in a thunderstorm – story ideas, dialogue ideas, plot ideas. There are just so many of them, and I want to write them ALL!
The habit I am working on breaking is the pursuit of perfection. I am still learning to accept the idea that first I draft, and then I edit, edit, edit, and edit some more. I need to remind myself constantly that this is a long road, and I can take my time walking it.
And most of all, I must not forget to enjoy it.
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