Actually, it’s been more than a year since I stepped out of full time employment and out of the only job I have ever had. It just happened to coincide with the Good Friday long weekend as well.
I didn’t mark the occasion with anything special. It has been a fairly busy weekend, with teaching, catching up with friends and family time. All of those activities, however, are very strongly symbolic of why I took the drastic step of resigning from my last job in the first place.
It’s actually not easy for me to explain in detail why exactly I left. The short and simple answer would be that I felt it was time to go. But loaded within that one simple phrase is a combination of push and pull factors which, in the larger scheme of things, hardly matter now.
Another short and simple explanation was that I wanted to make a better life for myself. I felt that materially, we were not doing too badly. I could have stayed on and kept on adding to the balance but I wonder what the costs would have been to keep me sane.
A reality that I had to face up to was that there was much I needed to do to fix my life. To confront long standing underlying issues which have hampered both my growth as a person and was increasingly affecting my loved ones in ways I do not care for. A year on, that is still a work in progress. But I have not taken as many forward steps in the past year as I have in the preceding 14 years or so combined.
I am both a child and a parent. There are two sets of contrasting demands in playing either role. There is also much I still have to learn. And I am also a husband. Unfortunately, my education and experience never prepared me to play that role. It is also an area where I am a slow learner. Nevertheless, I remind myself more nowadays to be more grateful for what I have and to take a more positive point of view on any event.
Friendships have also been strengthened. I have also been making new friends, more than before. This is not exactly rocket science but I am not the best at telling my friends just how much i value them. I see each person as holding a piece of me and my life. I am only as complete as each piece is intact. For better or worse, I am grateful to have you in my life.
Meaning. My life has more meaning nowadays. A big part of that comes from working on those relationships I am a part of. I am committed to work continuously on those relationships.
We can’t review the year that was without talking about career and professional aspirations. I left with something of a plan. I have not followed the plan to the letter, but I can say that I remain on the same track. Before I start on that though, I will freely admit that I miss my salary. But at the same time, I am proud of myself for having lowered my monthly expenditure drastically since leaving. My biggest single item of expenditure monthly has been my income tax payments.
Anyway, back to the main show – the current status of my professional exploits.
On one track, I am teaching conversational Malay. It picked up slowly, but it did indeed pick up. Recently, I partnered with an old friend to secure a short term teaching contract. The experience has been amazing so far and I have learnt so much about the process of teaching and making it effective and engaging. I hope to build on this small victory.
Then there is the writing, where my performance has fallen far short of my expectations. I had hoped to have self-published more than one story by now. Instead I find myself halfway through editing my debut novel. I have written a few shorts and flash fiction pieces, some of which I have submitted, while others are on this site.
It is not all bad – I have more than enough ideas to pursue in my writing. There is a part of me that refuses to compromise on quality for the sake of quantity. That is why the first work is so important. Most important of all, writing has brought me the kind of joy and freedom I once dreamed of. I am now living that dream. Which sometimes turns into nightmares of uncertainty and being overwhelmed by the infinite directions I can take with each tale I weave.
But to all the folks who have been waiting for that novel – I am sorry. What I can tell you is that the novel is not an original story. It is based on the legend of how Singapore got its name. A story which all Singaporeans would have at least heard of, about how a prince called Sang Nila Utama travelled to an island called Temasek, and saw a beast. His advisor told him that the beast was a “singa” or lion. And so he decided to rename Temasek as Singapura, the Lion City.
Simple tale, right? But I remember reading a book called “Myths and Legends of Singapore” which told so many fantastic stories of which the Sang Nila Utama legend was one. I remember being enthralled by those legends, and I would like to do my part to infuse it with new life. It helps that even the Wikipedia page on that myth is full of interesting little details, one of which resonated very strongly with me.
I still don’t have a clear idea when I will be done writing. I do know that I am going to take my time. It should be at about 40,000 words. That first novel will tell the first half of the tale. And the second novel will be of similar length and will conclude the story. After those first two tales, I intend to write another six. Perhaps I am getting ahead of myself there, but what I mean to say is that I have a fairly clear vision of where I am going with my writing.
I have not yet made up my mind on whether to approach a traditional publisher or to self publish. There are a few moving parts which I want to sort out, and anyway, I don’t have to think about it until the draft is done,
There is of course, one other major change in my life since I left my job, but I am not going to talk about it here. All I will say is that I have found volunteering to be a very enriching and educational experience. Dang it, I did not mean for the alliteration and I do not know what to change it to. Oh well.
In conclusion, Hiskandar Zulkarnaen, Foreign Service Officer, has no regrets calling time on his career. Hiskandar Zulkarnaen, freelance Malay instructor and aspiring author, is just getting started.
I want to thank all my friends and family who have supported me on my new path. I love you.
And as a poor token of my apology to everyone who has asked me about my writing, I offer the below draft blurb to my first novel – The Pirates of Temasek
The Pirates of Temasek
Sang Nila Utama, the Crown Prince of the Srivijaya Empire, is leading an expeditionary fleet to the island of Temasek, a frontier island which has become the lair of fearsome pirates threatening the safety of the merchant fleets reliant on the Empire for their safe passage. The young prince is a formidable warrior and commander but does not seek unnecessary combat but finds himself on a collision path with the current ruler of the pirates. Sang Nila is also harbouring a secret mission of his own, one that could define the balance of nature in the world as he knows it. Unbeknownst to the Crown Prince, the foe that awaits him in Temasek has also laid plans for a pre-emptive strike not only against the Srivijayan fleet, but also in the capital city of Palembang. Follow Sang Nila as he clashes with… the Pirates of Temasek!
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